


Pastel Batman

by Unpretty



Series: Sorrowful and Immaculate Hearts [24]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Gen, Image Heavy, Multimedia Fic, images described, the homophobic chicken restaurant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unpretty/pseuds/Unpretty
Summary: There's going to be so many memes about this.
Series: Sorrowful and Immaculate Hearts [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/440926
Comments: 75
Kudos: 1031





	1. Chapter 1

### Three Hour Chase Ends With 'Pastel Batman' Missing, Batmobile Destroyed

**byVicki Vale**

August 14th, 2017

It started last night, when a man dressed as The Batman broke into Chick-fil-A headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia. The costume, described by witnesses as a modified Lycra bodysuit, was a shade of pink not typically associated with Gotham's favorite urban legend.

Despite the color, the culprit went unnoticed until he was speeding through Atlanta in the Batmobile.

The car, a prop from Netflix show _Bat-Man_ , was recently sold at a charity auction to fund the training of guide dogs for the blind. The announcement that Chick-fil-A had purchased the vehicle for display lead to an uproar, with the show's producers distancing themselves from the decision. Netflix agreed to set aside some of the proceeds for the Trevor Project, but not everyone was satisfied with the compromise. Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy has not commented except to say that the purchase was made in honor of his late father, an enthusiastic collector of cars.

> Producer J.T. Finnegan Disavows Batmobile Sale

Police have not yet released any information regarding how the culprit managed to get the Batmobile out of the building. The chase, which started just after midnight, covered nearly 300 miles of road. Police began placing road blocks within the first half-hour of the chase, but in each instance the driver was able to avoid or bypass the obstacle. In a now-immortalized incident near Wrightsville, the suspect managed to use a police interceptor as a ramp. This was the last attempt at a roadblock, as police determined that it would be safest to follow the vehicle until it came to a stop.

Despite the hopes of police, the Batmobile did not run out of gas. When the chase came to an end in Tybee Island, it was because the suspect drove it directly off of the pier and into the Atlantic Ocean. While police canvassed the beach, there was no sign of the driver.

Georgia police are working now to recover the car from the water. While officials say they're confident that the suspect will be found, few outside the department seem to share their optimism. Popular opinion is instead on the side of 'Pastel Batman', who has dominated social media since reporting on the chase began.

Chick-fil-A and the Justice League did not respond to requests for comment on this story.


	2. Chapter 2

Batman did not look up from the screens of the computer in the Batcave. "You didn't say you were going to be in town," he said, still typing.

"Oracle said you were out of state for work the last few days," Nightwing said, leaning against the desk once he was close enough. As the desk was massive, this was still a significant distance from Batman. "You didn't call me in."

"She shouldn't have mentioned it," he said, still typing. Different windows were popping up onto different screens, databases and tables and terminal commands. "You have enough to worry about."

"I can still cover a night shift or two."

"It was handled."

Nightwing made a sound both thoughtful and suspicious. "So," he said, "someone stole the Batmobile."

Batman paused. He turned his head just enough to see the Batmobile, parked exactly where he'd left it. He turned his head the other way, just enough to look at Nightwing for the first time. He'd started sitting on the desk, his toes only barely able to brush the ground.

"Not ours," Nightwing clarified.

"Is there another one."

"That Netflix show," he said, and Batman did an almost-nod of acknowledgement before returning his attention back to whatever script he was running. "They had a big reveal of a new Batmobile this season, they auctioned off the old one for charity. I'm sure you heard about it."

"What they do with their show isn't my business," Batman said.

"Uh-huh," Nightwing said. "You really didn't see any of this in the news? It's been pretty nonstop since last night."

"I was working."

Nightwing put his hands on the edge of the desk, and kicked his feet upward to do a handstand apropos of nothing. "Too hard to see _any_ news, _all_ day."

"I may have seen something about it," Batman conceded.

"I'm sure you have theories about who did it."

"It's outside our jurisdiction."

"Your business trip was in…" Nightwing asked, swinging off the table to stand.

"Jacksonville."

"Did you pick that to help you get in character as Florida Man?"

"I don't know what that means."

"I want to know where you found a pink Batman costume in that size," Nightwing continued.

"I didn't."

"The pictures are–I'm having them framed, I hope you know that."

Batman's mouth twitched.

"I'm _so_ mad you didn't call me," Nightwing said, leaning against the desk again. "I know this place that sells rainbow Robin costumes with hotpants and a crop top–"

"Absolutely not."


End file.
